Some thoughts from a (tired) mom
With Avery approaching the six-month(!) mark, I thought it was an appropriate time to share some thoughts about life with two kids. When I was pregnant, a friend of mine with two told me that “It sucks at first – but then it gets easier.” I’m not sure I would use such strong language, but it certainly can be challenging at times!
One of the most difficult things for me is how “on” you have to be most of the time: unless the kids are both sleeping, you don’t get much of a break. I’m often somewhat worn out by the time I get home in the afternoons (after the commute and two stops to pick up the girls), but the last thing I can do is rest. On the agenda instead: preparing dinners, giving baths, packing lunch and picking out clothes for the next day, getting the girls to sleep, washing baby bottles, etc. By the time the girls are tucked away in bed and Q and I have eaten, I’m often too tired to do much but fall into bed. “Me-time,” though not non-existent, is not easy to come by!
Another thing that I’ve struggled with is the perpetually packed to-do list. At any given time, when I’m not caring for or playing with the girls, there’s something else I could be doing – laundry, dishes, tidying up, writing a thank-you note, etc. – and once I cross something off my list, something else quickly takes its place. There’s a lot to do in any household, of course, but when most of your energy is put towards two small kids (and your job), it becomes difficult (impossible?) to keep up.
And, of course, there’s the sleep thing. People joke that now that we’re parents we won’t get a good night’s sleep for 18 years or so. That may be true – and we definitely have learned to function in this constant state of sleep deprivation – but it can be rough. When I get too little sleep over a long stretch of time (i.e. when someone in the house gets sick or Avery has a series of bad nights), I not only get grumpy but also start feeling depressed. And feeling this way, of course, doesn’t make carrying out the parental duties any easier!
Though I’ve focused solely on the bad stuff, it’s not all negative. First of all, Q is amazing with the girls and is always there to help out – which means I never feel alone. And on those occasions where I do need to get both ready in the morning, or put both to bed on my own, I’m usually not stressed about it. (Caring for two can be intimidating at first, but now it’s not as big of a deal.) I’m also trying (after a series of pep-talks from Q) to be a bit more mellow about getting things done around the house. As he has pointed out, if it’s a choice between getting everything in the house perfectly organized in a timely manner or spending more time with the kids or simply relaxing, it’s probably best to choose the latter. As I type, there are two baskets of unfolded laundry in my hallway, and I’m way behind on thank-you cards for Zoe – but I’m trying not to stress. Things will get done – just not as fast as they used to!
And lastly, the kids themselves are the biggest positive of all. I may be tired and/or grumpy more than I would like – but nothing puts me in a better mood than an innocent or sweet comment from Zoe and a smile or laugh from Avery. What’s that cliche that they say about kids? Oh, right – It’s all worth it!
-M