“I don’t know how you do it”
I came across an interesting piece today on things not to say to a mom who works outside the home. (I don’t love the term “working mom,” because every mom works.) The author’s tone is a bit defensive, and I find it hard to believe she has personally heard all of these things (though perhaps I’m just lucky to have not encountered such judginess about my choices). But still, a few of her responses resonated with me:
I don’t know how you do it. It must be so hard. It is. I don’t know how I do it. But I don’t think that’s because I work, I think it’s because parenting is hard whether you stay at home or go off to the office. I don’t know how any of us do it. It’s glorious and rewarding and full of love and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Balancing kids with anything else, whether a paying job or running a household or finding time to watch Honey Boo Boo, is nearly impossible.
…
You must be so organized to be able to balance everything. I have a love/hate reaction to this statement. At first, I bask in the affirmation. I believe I am organized. Then I remember — I am one set of lost keys away from a meltdown. I have mismatched socks, my kid went to school with jelly on his face and I haven’t exercised in a week. I have piles of books and clothes and god knows what else in my bedroom. I forgot a conference call yesterday and lost the planetarium permission slip. I let something slide every day. There is no balance. Only carefully controlled chaos. Pretty much like everyone else’s life.
…
Don’t you worry you’re missing out? Every day. But then my son runs into my arms when I pick him up from school and climbs into my bed in the morning to tell me I’m the “best mommy ever,” and I know it’s going to be ok.
-M