How do you explain the concept of existance to a pre-schooler? That’s the question we’ve been grappling with recently. A few days ago, Zoe asked where she was when Q and I got married. “You weren’t born yet,” I told her, to which she replied, “But where was I?” “You weren’t in my tummy yet,” I answered, only to have her ask again, “So where was I?” I got out of that one – by repeating the tummy line and avoiding saying that she didn’t exist, which I’m sure would have been met with a blank stare – but then the other evening we had to have an even more difficult conversation – this one about after life, not before – with her.

When Q’s grandma died on Friday, Q and I decided it was only right to tell Zoe what happened (she had just gotten back from visiting her, after all) – but we would have to do so in very simple language. Q started by asking Zoe if she remembered how sleepy GGma had been when she saw her (Zoe did) and went on to say that GGma became so tired that her body wound up going to sleep for good. This happens with older people who have lived long, full lives, we explained to her, and we said that GGma’s spirit was out there, somewhere, watching over her. Zoe’s questions were mostly what you’d expect (“Does this mean I won’t be able to see her anymore?” being one of them), and she also said something I found quite insightful: After we explained how GGma went away, she asked, “Like magic?”

Given how people come into and leave the world in an instant – and how nearly impossible it is to understand, let alone explain, it all – comparing life and death to magic somehow feels right. Perhaps little kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

-M

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 1st, 2010 at 7:58 pm and is filed under 49.Two kids-August 10. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.