I haven’t posted much (anything, actually) about the new baby – and I realize this is in sharp contrast to the early days of our blog, when I posted about “Sesame” at least once or twice a day. It also recently occurred to me that I haven’t opened one book on pregnancy or paid much attention to the weekly e-mail updates I receive about the baby’s development this time around. There are even times when I actually forget I’m pregnant – which I don’t think ever happened with Zoe.

It’s not that I’m not excited about the pregnancy or the baby – it’s just that things feel very different this time around. Unlike the first time, I don’t have the time (energy) to read lots of baby books or think much about what’s happening: I’m too busy juggling work, parenthood and playtime. And the truth is that since I don’t know this baby yet, my primary focus remains on Zoe.

In the beginning, when I did take the time to think about the pregnancy, it was usually to feel bad about Zoe – like I was cheating her out of something by having another baby. I felt guilty that I was often tired and grumpy and sometimes not in the mood to play with her, and guilty that she’ll no longer have our undivided attention when the new baby arrives. (I also couldn’t fathom how I could possibly love a new baby as much as I love Zoe – but that’s something for a different post.) Though I was fairly sure these feelings were normal, and likely experienced by most second- or third-time moms, they were hard to shake…

These days, I tell myself that Zoe probably doesn’t mind when I’m low-energy – since that means she gets to watch more of Imagination Movers, her favorite TV show. And when I do take a few minutes to actually think about the baby, I focus on the good stuff: how excited Zoe will be to meet her and what a good big sister Zoe will likely be. It will be a great adventure to expand our little family, I think.

-M

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 12:51 pm and is filed under 30.Two Years, 2 Months. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.