Last week at this time, I was in LA – spending my first night (ever) away from Zoe. It was the first time since BZ (before-Zoe) that I flew alone, and the entire travel experience was so mellow and easy compared to my recent flying experiences. I didn’t have to worry about schlepping and getting through security a carseat, stroller, diaper bag and oodles of other important items, and I didn’t have to worry about watching or entertaining or caring for anyone in the airport. I could just sit and *be*; I actually read a magazine and just sat there, doing nothing. It was nice… but it was also a little lonely.

I surprised myself by missing my little travel companion (and the big one, too, of course) as much as I did. I couldn’t help but watch the little babies around me in the airport and think of Zoe; I spent a long time watching one father struggle with his very young, very unhappy baby in the airport – and instead of feeling relieved that I wasn’t in his shoes, I actually felt a little envious. I even felt that way on the plane, when the baby wouldn’t stop screaming. Old Michelle would have been extremely annoyed, but on this trip, I just smiled at the thought of comforting my own little (well, big) baby. (I also made sure to give the dad a few “I-know-what-you’re-going-through/don’t-worry-about-it” looks. I really felt for him!)

I’m fond of saying that motherhood hasn’t changed me *that* much, but experiences like this tell me otherwise. I know traveling will never be quite the same again, and I know I will forever feel a bit of loss when I’m away from Zoe. But I also know that’s okay – I just feel pretty lucky to be able to feel like this!

-M

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 8th, 2008 at 10:41 pm and is filed under 18.Fifteen to 16 months. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.