No do-overs…
Today was one of those “do-over” parenting mornings. It started out promising – I was excited about keeping Zoe home from school and having a Mommy/Zoe morning – but things went downhill when I returned from dropping off Avery to find a grumpy Zoe refusing to get dressed and saying she didn’t want to do any of the things I had suggested. I should have chocked it up to her being tired, but I took it personally (I had presented her with a little print-out of several fun outdoor options last night, and I couldn’t believe none of them appealed to her) – and our discussion quickly escalated into an argument. After both of us calmed down and apologized to one another (thanks to Q’s mediation), I asked Zoe if she wanted to just hang out and run errands with me instead, and she said yes.
And so, our Mommy/Zoe morning consisted of a trip to Target and the mall (followed by a lunch overlooking Lake Merced – at least something outside), and we had a perfectly fun time. At one point I asked Zoe, “Do you like just running errands with Mommy?” and she excitedly said, “Yeh!”
I can’t get a “do-over” and change my less-than-cool reaction to what I perceived as Zoe’s ungrateful attitude, but I can take from today two lessons. First,  I need to remember to keep cool during conflicts with Zoe. Yelling – hers or mine – gets us nowhere, and only makes both of us feel bad. (“Two wrongs don’t make a right,” Zoe sniffled at one point.) And it would be good to figure out how to best manage conflict with her before the teen years – when issues will be bigger and feelings stronger. And secondly, I need to remember that things with kids don’t always have to be “perfect.” I had envisioned the two of us using our special time together to frolick through Golden Gate Park or the zoo and make wonderful memories (hence my hurt feelings about her rejecting my ideas) – but the truth is that Zoe was just as happy simply hanging out with me. That was perfect enough for her!
-M
May 12th, 2012 05:35
Oh boy. I am sorry you day started on the wrong side. Just remember that some times, we adults, get up in the same mood of not knowing what we really want, and being negative. Zoe is just a little ahead of the class and certainly is capable of being a teenager at age 5. What matters is that Zoe still wanted to be with you, and that the two of you still had fun just hanging around.
May 16th, 2012 16:53
Zoe had a great time with you, Michelle. While waiting for our sandwiches at Toastie’s Zoe said to me, “You know what, Jenny? Me and Mommy had a ‘Mommy and Zoe Day’ at Lake Merced. It was a lot of fun.”