Avery’s surgery was one week ago – so how is she doing? We were told not to expect anything major from the get-go – it could take weeks or months for her to adjust to being able to (completely) hear and for her speech to become clearer – but there have definitely been subtle changes.

Many of Avery’s words are clearer than before; numerous times over the last week she has said a word/phrase that we had never heard (or, at least, never understood) before. On more than one occasion Q and I have looked at each other and said, “Did you just hear that?” We’ve also noticed a slight difference in her temperament: She somehow seems happier. At first I thought perhaps we were overreaching and seeing things that weren’t there, but today the preschool director stopped me to say that she has seen a real change in Avery in just the last two days. “She has just been so bubbly,” she said.

Another teacher reported that for the first time since she has known her, Avery sat through an entire story session without wiggling or looking away. This teacher had always thought Avery (who, after all, started school fairly young) had a short attention span – but now we really know what was going on! A part of me still feels sad to think what Avery missed out on, but I know she’s got plenty of time to make up for it.

-M

A few random things that have been on my mind lately…

-Having a two-year-old sometimes makes me feel like we’re living with a little dog. Many mornings over the last few months Avery has come in bed with us with a big smile and a lot of pouncing around – and when I’m exercising at home she often comes and jumps on top of me. The only difference between her and a puppy is there isn’t any licking or panting. Usually.

-Why do kids talk so loud? I’ve noticed lately that Zoe has really upped the decibel level, and it’s especially noticable when we’re in the car and she’s trying to get our attention. During a particularly loud ride the other morning, I told Q that I heard the word “Daddy” one more time…

-There is, truthfully, a fair amount to not like about being a parent. But for me the worst thing, hands-down, is having to deal with dinner. It’s the end of the day, the kids are (often) cranky, the cook is (often) cranky and no one wants to eat the same thing. I’ve had serious fantasies lately of putting the girls on some sort of liquid diet, delivered via IV, and just being done with it. (Perhaps that’s why I make them so many smoothies.)

-Zoe recently started taking showers on her own after swim class. While her growing independence makes me proud, and it’s nice to have her do something I once did, I started feeling restless while sitting and waiting for her one recent Sunday. When you’ve got two little kids, sitting idle isn’t really the norm – and being unneeded (even for just a few moments) felt somewhat foreign. I wound up arranging, and rearranging, her clothes.

-A former colleague told me something I’ll never forget: You always think the current age/stage of your child is the “best.” (I’m sure these feelings are by design – y’know, to ensure that parents don’t abandon their kids when the going gets tough and/or their kids lose their baby cuteness.) Her comment has been right on for me these past 5+ years; right now, to me, there’s basically nothing better than the almost-three and five-and-a-half stages…

-On a related note, I saw a woman strolling her newborn one morning on the way to school and it suddenly hit me that the sight of her didn’t make me feel sentimental or sad or envious: I felt perfectly content with where I was with my girls (who were happily munching bagels and giggling in the backseat), and with life. But then, later that day, Zoe started singing a song she had been learning for her “moving on” ceremony at school and I teared up, thinking about the end of the preschool era and how fast these past five years have gone… I suspect (know) those sentimental feelings will always stay with me.

-M

I spent a few minutes lounging in bed while Q got up with the girls this morning. After awhile, Avery passed through our room to get something in hers and spotted me reading. “You awake, Mama?” she asked me excitedly. “I love you! I love you so much!”

Definitely a nice way to be greeted…

-M

We purposefully didn’t plan much for this weekend – we weren’t sure how Avery was going to be feeling, and a few mellow days after these busy past few weeks/months sounded appealing. We did have a birthday party to attend today, though, and the girls really got into the fireman theme…

-M

I was, as mentioned here previously, feeling a little anxious in the days leading up to Avery’s procedure. But how were the girls? Clearly her father’s daughter, Zoe was the total optimistic – telling me not to be worried when I mentioned I was a little sad earlier in the week. “I’m sure she’ll be happy when she’s finished, don’t you think?” she said. “She’s going to be excited about it.” And Avery did, indeed, seem a-okay about getting her ears fixed – as I tried to capture in a video from last week.

-M

While Michelle, Avery, and I were preparing for an early morning visit to the hospital, Zoe got to spend the evening celebrating her 5 and a half birthday with friends. Zoe got a real treat by sleeping over with her friends Zachary, Halle, and Olivia during the week and they surprised her with half birthday cupcakes. She is counting the days until her next half birthday sleep-over.

Jon Q

As Q mentioned, Avery’s ears are as good as new. The surgery went really well, and Avery’s recovery was an easy one. She took about 30 minutes to wake from the anesthesia (the longer the sleep, the better, the recovery nurse told us) and immediately wanted some juice and something to eat. She was quiet but didn’t seem uncomfortable or in pain on our drive, and she wound up taking a 4.5-hour nap about an hour after we got home. Tonight she was bouncing around and playing with her sister per the norm (see below) – though she did have a bigger appetite than normal since she missed two meals.

Q and I were feeling good throughout, as well – except for a few freak-out moments (on my part) about 45 minutes after the procedure began. The surgeon had said it was a very quick surgery (20-30 minutes) and she would come out right away. (“Don’t go out for coffee,” she had told me.) When she didn’t come out at the expected time I started to panic – what if there was a complication? What if Avery wasn’t okay? I started going through worst-case scenarios in my head and was just about to reach panic-attack mode when the doctor walked out with a smile, and the rest of the day was cake.

Q and I got up at 4:30 this morning, so we were exhausted – yet also happy and relieved – when we finally got home. As I told Q, the last time I had that feeling was after bringing the girls, as newborns, home from the hospital! Certainly not a bad thing to be reminded of…

-M

Eleven hours after surgery:

Avery’s ears are officially fixed. We are back at home and Avery is full of smiles.

More on our hospital visit to come.

Jon Q

One of the things that has been so heartening during this whole process with Avery is the support we’ve gotten from friends and family. People have been so sweet and caring – offering to help with Zoe, sending little gifts, and in the case of my mom-friends, just listening. And a parent from the preschool – someone with a background in neurology and psychology – even put a positive spin on things, writing to me:

I know you are worried that she hasn’t been able to hear so well and feel badly about it. But, from what I know about brain development and plasticity, if less of the brain is being used for a particular skill or ability (like speech, for example), other abilities and skills encroach on that brain area and can become highly developed. So, Avery’s speech delay could potentially mean that she has acquired, possibly for life, another specialized skill like excellent perception, sensitive experience of touch, rich imagination, etc. This could even be an advantage long-term – since obviously her language acquisition will catch up quickly and efficiently (the brain is extremely plastic for this up until about age 10-13).

This e-mail came to me at just the right time today. I’m not sure if Avery has, indeed, developed another specialized skill – but even the possibility is comforting!

-M

Little kids, I discovered some time ago, are really into the quarter- and half-year marks, and so Zoe’s very proud that she is officially 5.5! (“Aren’t you going to wish me Happy Half-Birthday?” was the first thing she asked me this morning.) I’ll use a few categories to summarize what she’s like these days…

Interests: Zoe loves playing make-believe games and is especially fond of playing school, doctor’s office and swim class. (She’s usually the teacher/doctor, and Avery, Hippo and I are the students/patients.) She likes setting up elaborate birthday parties – usually for Hippo – and inviting the whole family to join. She loves doing crafts: She’s often sitting at her little table coming up with some sort of new project to work on. She likes drawing and cutting and generally creating; her teachers say at school she’s very fond of (and good at) sewing. She recently became very into Star Wars – she has spent hours poring over books about the various characters, and she has already asked to be Darth Vader for the next Halloween and Purim. (She also has a Star Wars calendar hung up near her bed.) She is very into math – I recently bought her a sparkly purple calculator –and we often do addition and subtraction flash cards together. She’s always been a fan of school, and she has said numerous times that she wants to learn Hebrew and Spanish (the two languages they offer) when she heads to elementary school later this year.

Temperament: Zoe remains a (relatively) mellow, independent and mature girl. She’s totally the big sister: the one who plays by the rules and tries to do the “right” thing. She gets frustrated with Avery at times but is for the most part extremely patient and caring. (She has put her sister to bed or down for a nap on occasion, and the girls often play a game in which Zoe is Avery’s mom and she takes care of her.) She often looks out for Avery, and she has been very helpful with her sister’s speech issues – often translating for her (“Mom – she said she wants the scissors,” she told me just yesterday morning) and helping her with her words. Zoe can be grumpy and she has the occasional meltdown – but it’s usually when she’s tired and she can usually be calmed down. And she has been known to calm me down, too – reminding me, for example, to not get upset over traffic in the car.  “Try to think of bad words in your head and not say them out loud,” she told me recently. “Or think of something that makes you happy. Like me, as a baby.” At the same time, she can also be very silly and bouncy – like when she’s dancing around, playing “Monster” or singing along to her Justin Bieber toothbrush.

Other stuff: Hippo has got some competition: Q recently won Zoe a stuffed purple elephant, and Zoe is now very attached to “Luna.” (She actually took her to school today for “share time.”) While she took the occasional weekend nap as recently as a few months ago, her napping days are now well behind her. Her bedtime routine continues to be pretty mellow: She watches a show (it was Imagination Movers for a long time; over the last few months Dinosaur Train and, more recently, Doc McStuffins have become her favorites), then gets a kiss and some water (and usually a book) from one of us. She had her first sleepover last month! (And she’s having another tonight.) She is still planning to marry Leo (her friend from way back in her first year of preschool) and just the other day she said she is going to stay in San Francisco forever – but if she leaves, it will be for Phoenix.

-M

After a (semi-downer) entry, how about some sunshine – in the form of the girls sitting and smiling? This photo was taken about a week ago, and I love how happy they look together.

-M

Some of you already know, but Avery is having surgery – to get ear tubes inserted and her adenoids removed – this Thursday. The short version of the story is that we recently learned she has a hearing problem (due to fluid build-up in her ears), and she needs the procedure to help both her hearing and her speech. The long version of the story is…

As I’ve hinted here in the past, Avery has always been behind in her speech development. I tried not to panic about it – I knew I shouldn’t compare her to Zoe, who was an early talker, and I know kids develop at different paces – but as Avery got older and was still difficult to understand, my gut told me something wasn’t quite right. I didn’t believe the problem was cognitive – she was bright and she seemingly understood everything people said to her – and the people around her (first Elena, then her teachers and doctor) weren’t overly concerned. Something, though, prompted me to get Avery officially evaluated earlier this spring, and the speech pathologist confirmed that Avery was speech-delayed. We started “talk class” (as Avery calls it) and listened to the pathologist’s suggestion to see an ENT right away. She thought, based on the tone of Avery’s voice, that a physical issue could be the culprit.

The ENT appointment was two weeks ago, and we learned there that Avery’s ears are completely full of fluid and that her hearing is “significantly impaired.” Avery hears as if she’s under water: Everything is muffled. The doctor said Avery’s obviously done a great job of compensating for her lack of hearing (since no one suspected a problem), but the hearing issue is likely the reason why her speech hasn’t developed as it should. It’s difficult to speak correctly if you can’t hear yourself talk!

I wasn’t surprised by the development but I was certainly saddened. The thought of little Avery not being able to hear the world around her all these months (years?) made me want to cry (hence the post-doctor bursting into tears I mentioned earlier). What has life been like for her? What has she missed out on?

My sunnier half (i.e. Q), though, is constantly reminding me of the good part of this news: Her problem isn’t a permanent one and can be fixed, the procedure (which is really quite common) is low-risk and quick, and she’s going to be as good as new – maybe even a whole new girl – by her third birthday. And if all that doesn’t make me feel better, Avery usually can: Whenever I remind her that we’re going back to the doctor soon, she gives me a big smile and says, “To get my ears fixed!”

-M

For the past few weeks, Avery has been cuddling up with her dad and watching an inning or two of baseball just before bedtime. (She consistently asks about the players, “Is he a bad guy?” and if Q says “no,” she’ll call out to the TV, “Get a hit!”) Based on her new-found interest in the Giants, we took her and Zoe to a game today; though we didn’t see much of the actual game we went early enough to “ride” the cable car, play in the mini-baseball field and on the slide, and just enjoy the sunshine. And something that made us smile: The girls sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game (an old fave) almost the entire carride there.

-M

She still has a month until her birthday, but Avery had her three-year check-up today. The findings? She’s 37 pounds and 40 inches – the size, her doctor said, of a four-year-old. Her vision is good and her hearing will soon be good – more on that soon!

-M

When I dropped off the girls at school yesterday I came to the startling realization that Zoe and I were dressed like twins! We were both wearing bright pink tops and grey pants; the only differences were our shoes (mine: silver, hers: pink) and the fact I was wearing a cami underneath my sweater. “Not intentional!” I told two moms who noticed and commented on the similarities. I may think it’s cute when the girls dress alike – but matching mom/daughter outfits is a bit too much for me!

-M